“Something’s wrong when you regret

Things that haven’t happened yet.

It’s a glorious day when morning comes

Without the feeling of alarm.

So rise

And shine

Now’s the time to be alive

To stay awake with me awhile.

(And smile.)”

–The Submarines

assertion

(əˈsɜːʃən)

n

1. A declaration that is made emphatically (as if no supporting evidence were necessary).
2. In computer programming – an expression which, if false, indicates an error.

In one of my long-ago, previous posts, I wrote about my decision to try an Ironman-distance triathlon and how I wanted it to be something I had decided to do emphatically. None of this ‘maybe I will,’ or ‘it might be cool.’ … No. I wanted it to be an absolute, resolute, unwavering, ‘yes, I’m going to do that [exclamation point!]’ But that’s not really how it happened. Unlike my almost automatic decision to donate a kidney to a loved one, the Ironman idea had to be pondered and realized over time.

The truth is, I’m not really an assertive person, in general. I’m very much on the subtle side of things.

Those who have been following this bog might wonder how my last foray into Ironman-itude went. It’s true, I didn’t rush back here to write a race report for you. I guess you can guess that it wasn’t my best race. But I did finish it!!! It took me a while to be happy with that result. As much as I don’t want to tell anyone my finish time, I’m really happy I can tell people that I did that race.

Ironman Lake Placid is no joke. The funny thing is, its difficulty seems to be just as subtle as I am. The swim is gorgeous and luxurious. The bike is beautiful and challenging. You love it and can’t wait to do the loop again… until you do it again. Then, it sneaks up on you, and you’re on the run, and you can’t understand why you have no legs and your stomach is upset. At least, that’s how it was for me. It’s so hard to tell how hard it is, that you don’t even know until it’s too late.

So it was that, and I didn’t train enough. But mostly that.

Now, I once again find myself in a position where I wish I could be assertive, …emphatic, …automatic. Some decisions feel like they should be that way, and yet they’re not. I don’t know why.

I’m such an incredibly lucky and blessed person. I have everything I could possibly need, and more. My cup is totally spilling all over the ground with opportunity, and love, and good fortune. How can a person know what to do in such a ridiculous situation?!

In the meantime, my husband and I are still planning (and training) to do Ironman Maryland in a few weeks (Oct. 3, to be exact).

At this point, Ironman training is just a way to keep my mind off things. So, while I’m avoiding assertions, I’ll provide a schizophrenic playlist for you. It’s starts out bold and brash and booming, and ends slower, subtler, …more like me, but less like I want to be. Try listening to the first and last song just for fun, and you’ll see what I mean.

“Hey, Dark Eyes

Rest with me awhile as I drift closer to sleep…

But still cannot…

Still cannot find no peace.”

–Half Moon Run

• 1940 (AmpLive Remix) – The Submarines
• A Taste of Silver – Until the Ribbon Breaks
• Gooey – Glass Animals
• Baby, What’s Wrong? – Whitehorse
• Got It – Marian Hill
• Inside Out – Imelda May
• When You’re Falling – Afro Celt Sound System (and Peter Gabriel, too 😉 )
• Half Moon – Blind Pilot
• Silver Coin – Angus & Julia Stone
• Train Song – Benjamin Gibbard & Feist
• Carolina – Benjamin Gibbard
• In the Aeroplane Over… – Matt Pond PA
• Fire Escape – Half Moon Run